Special Needs or Naughty?!

This is a blog I have been rather desperate to write only I’ve been trying to find the right words.

After waiting what feels like months, the only way I feel I can explain this is in my own way.

We (My babies Daddy and I) along with R & S have been to a fair few special needs events and groups. Whilst watching both our children,  that usually run in opposite directions we also have to watch other children around our own.

What really frustrates me is discipline¬†and the lack of it. Lately R has encountered bites and smacks from various different special needs children and whilst I understand the children have special needs. Surly this doesn’t mean it should be deemed acceptable?! Or does it?

I guess I haven’t been in this situation, yet?! Or have I? I have caught R many times pushing and pulling S around and I will tell him off the same way I treat S. Biting, smacking and pushing isn’t allowed whether my son has special needs or not this kind of behaviour isn’t acceptable and I will not allow it.

R also used to kick and pinch me when he got overwhelmed and had a meltdown. I would keep saying to R ‘Ouch’ and pull a sad face. Now if R has a melt down he doesn’t kick me anywhere near as much if at all.

I know every child is different and learns differently but I feel there should still be rules, boundaries and discipline or else our ‘special needs’ children will grow up thinking they are exempt from all rules because they have ‘special needs’

You get me?

What do you think????

Contact me

Clare x

4 Comments

  1. Dani
    31st December 2016 / 4:33 PM

    This is a tricky one! I do everything I can to stop my son pushing other children, but he still does it sometimes, and I don’t know why. I find going to a special needs group is the one place I can relax without having to explain to people constantly why he is pushing or not queuing correctly for the slide. We have been on the receiving end of some very nasty bites by another special needs child at nursery, but as I could clearly see he did not understand what was the point in worrying, I felt for his mum actually.

    • Clare Lee
      Author
      31st December 2016 / 4:47 PM

      Thanks for your reply Dani and no doubt I will see you soon. I’m glad you took the time to reply as I see many read my post but I haven’t received any comments accepts yours and I wonder if I perhaps hit a nerve.

      Riley has been the victim of a lot lately, a huge bite on his back (that left visible teeth marks hours after) non provoked hitting and pushing along with a very close bite when he was snoozing on my lap.

      It’s a tricky subject which is why I have held off for so long to post but I really feel awareness needs to be raised around all aspects of ‘special needs’ Autism especially as that’s all I’m (trained in)

      I have seen Riley many time push Summer, not much else but that is enough for me to tell him ‘no.’ Riley is a kind little boy, self-motivated and in his own world, but that doesn’t make it any less acceptable to not discipline him.

      At the end of the day yes means yes and no means no. I want my son to grown up to know his boundaries as I do my daughter. Whether they be special needs or not it doesn’t make a difference I will treat them equally and I want them both to know the difference between whats right and what’s wrong.

  2. Dani
    31st December 2016 / 5:13 PM

    I totally agree with that and I do disipline my children too. I also hope I am aware of the difficulties everyone faces with having to deal with these issues, the unpredicatbility of their actions can be very hard to manage! It also is difficult when both parties have special needs. I can explain to neuro-typical children if you get in my sons space too much he might push. But how do you do this to a child that doesn’t have the understanding? I am sure that is why D is the only child that gets bitten at nursery, as he hasn’t learnt to keep his distance! Difficult all round, that’s why i let it go and try not to worry about it too much.

    • Clare Lee
      Author
      31st December 2016 / 5:18 PM

      I know you do and I see that. But there are many other special needs parents out there that I personally feel hide behind the ‘special need’ excuse and don’t discipline they’re child children because they think/assume that’s their ‘autism’ or ‘other disability’ reason. I can tell the difference between my sons autism and when he is being an arse. I won’t stand for it and I just feel like other ‘special needs’ parents are allowing the behaviour due to having a diagnosis.

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